Lonely but Never Alone

    I recently read a blog post by Momastery that detailed the day of a mother.  In it she used the phrase "Lonely but never alone" and it has clung to me.  I think it is a feeling most stay-at-home moms know well but I had never really articulated it.
    There have been many times when Paul would keep the kids so I could run errands by myself.  I really appreciated not having to drag the kids along on these trips but they nearly always left me feeling down and depressed.  Occasionally he will take all three kids out, so I can have some alone time.  Whereas the I always jump at the chance to get things done around the house without constantly being interrupted by a child, I typically end up in tears while they are gone.
     I think the problem is one of communication.  You read everywhere how mom's need time away from the kids, and this is often interpreted as needing "alone time".  For myself I think it would be more accurate to say I need "me time".  Time where the only thing I have to worry about is me.  Time where I can interact with adults and not discuss the kids or the house in any way.  Time to know that I still exist as a person and not just an unnoticed servant.
    Recently I have been considering returning to work.  I think a big part of this desire comes from wanting to have a purpose beyond my house.  To have tasks and goals that I can complete and not have to redo them tomorrow.  To speak with people who notice and appreciate what I do, at least some of the time.
     I know it is the end of the school year and things are always harder because no one has any motivation left.  Hopefully once summer arrives, I will be able to get out more and my attitude will once again see being alone with the kids as a blessing.  There is always hope because deep down I know this is just a season and will soon pass.