Family Motto

            Many people go to great lengths to research their history.  However, many of our ancestors came to America in order to start over.  It was in their memory that my husband began the process of creating a family motto.  God lead him to the passage of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego in Daniel.  When they were about to be thrown into the furnace, they said that they knew God could save them but even if He chose not to help they would never stop worshiping Him.  From this passage our family motto,  “But if not…” was developed.  For us it meant, our faith in God is based solely on who He is, not what He does for me.

                It was several weeks later before the true meaning of this motto became real to us.  When our son was 5 weeks old he, started running a high fever.  We took him to the emergency room.  The test showed a high level of white blood cells in his spinal fluid.  He was immediately admitted him to PICU with meningitis. It would take the doctors 4 days to determine if he had the deadly bacterial form or the much less dangerous viral form. It was during this time that God asked me, “If I don’t heal your child, will you still serve me?”  I struggled with this question for 2 days.  On the third day of our hospital stay John developed a heart murmur.  All the iv fluid he had been given, reopened the natural hole in his heart.  I held him as they did an ekg, and once again I heard God ask, “If I don’t heal your child, will you still serve me?”.  

                I learned a lot during these days.  I learned how to swaddle a baby without disrupting any of the cords coming from his chest or the iv into his leg.  I learned that God loves my children more than I ever can and He loves me just as much.  I learned that my commitment to God was not based on what I could get from Him.  Faith has never been easy for me, but as I grow in my understanding of who God is, it is easier for me to worship Him for whom He is regardless of the circumstances in my life. 

                Last week we celebrated John Paul’s 7^th birthday.  After 4 days in the hospital, the doctors determined that John’s meningitis was the viral form and he was released.  It took another 3 months for the hole in his heart to reclose.